*artemis912*

wow. im really proud of myself. i have a journal that documents my life in delaware. basically almost a full year. what an experience that was. i have NEVER been able to journal! but i did it! i began in october 05 and now its october 06. guess where i am now? germany! going to the university of heidelberg and getting my masters in American Studies. majors- international business, literature, and religion. minors - geography, history, and constitutional law. do my majors look like the easy subjects. well they are dammit!!! lol a year has passed and i've learned a lot. i've grown a lot and i've gained more focus. but i'm still my same old laid back self when it comes to school. i cant really see myself slaving over constitutional law, geography, and/or history. not when the degree reads American Studies regardless... plus, i find my majors much more interesting. i love my profs, my program coordinators, and my classmates.

update: i got engaged on august 6th in tori del benaco italy! then i spent september in finland. jan signed a pro deal with a 1st league team there.

yeah so, all our dreams came true and stuff :)

stay tuned. i'm journaling more on myspace (picked up in may where i left off here), but i'll holla.

meg

i miss my maaan!!!!! God! i can't do this! i need him. he went home yestderday. for good. we knew this day was coming from the moment we met- that he'd graduate and he'd go back home to europe. but after 3 years i still wasn't prepared. it was so hard to sleep here alone last night. so hard... all these memories of him surround me, not to mention an old pair of nike in the corner, a basketball he gave me before he left, the volleyball we played with in rehobeth last summer, his big corona bottle full of change, and all the candles he's given me over the years.

the good news is i get to move the f*ck out of delaware on sunday. HALELUJAH!!!!

but i'm so lonely for my bestfriend, the love of my life, my road dog, my sweetest thing.

i can't stop crying....

to make matters worse, i had to reschedule an interview back home because my engine light came on and the only time pep-boys can fit me in for the diagnostic is at 12:00 today- the time i'd need to leave to get to wheaton by 2:00. also, our leasing office is operated by hick bitches with mullets who are determined to extend our lease through july because they don't understand how to read their own lease agreements and give out corresponding information. jan's lawyer's handling that mess. i'm still waiting on heidelberg and turku. i finally realized that i was wasting my time stalking the post man out here since i sent the DHL packages with my mom's return address. and i still have yet to apply for vaasa - the application's not due until august.

ok... time to get up. the maintenance man is coming back to glue the soap dish back to the wall above the tub. yeah- it just fell into jan's bath water last week. and those leasing office bitches expect us to pay for another two months of this bullshit? i don't think so. this place sucks. i can't wait till i'm back in beautiful mo. county maryland!

ok so to make a looong story short, i had to take a break from livejournal because bigbrother at AIG was most likely reading it. anyway, half way through march they "terminated my assignment" as a bullshit "claims assistant." they finally realized they could hire two brain-dead vegetables to process claims for what they were paying me. in any case, i'm just waitressing now. i feel soooo much better. i fucking hated that corporate bullshit. i really hated some of the idiots i ended up working with and the meaningless job i was doing. my iq was seriously in jeapordy. i found myself getting dumber by the day and i made it known that i was worried about protecting my vulnerable intelligence quotiant. i think everyone began to resent me. i wasn't very social- i basically plugged my headphones in and worked with minimal human contact all day. before i knew it, it was suddenly my "last day." what a fucking disappointment. i rather sit at home and watch judges hatchett,milian, ephriam, joe brown, judy, alex, and moral court and work at the restaurant anyway. it's less stressful than busting my ass doing a bullshit job, i learn more from maury povich, i make more money on tips and the alcoholics at the bar have more class than the corporate hicks downtown.

[[[milton is so sweet though. i cannot say ONE bad thing about him. i really cried when they transferred me from working with him. he's a wonderful person and a great boss with a good heart and he never stopped looking out for me. he even hooked me up with a position that would have started this past week, but i declined because i'm getting the fuck out of delaware on may 31st!!!! YAY!!!!!! i didn't want to just take the job for six weeks and decieve him because he never deceived me. plus, he's a valuable reference, and i wouldn't want to burn that bridge. it's just not in me to be as ruthless as the corporate world, and no matter how much i resent the hoops i had to jump through at that company, i can never fault milton for it. he's the best boss i've ever had after my own god-mother at AIM.]]]

i just read an article that wilmington and new castle county are the last places in the united states that anyone is even thinking about moving to or working in. and because wilmington and new castle county are undoubtedly the BEST areas of the whole state of Delaware (go anywhere south of here and you're in cattle-fucking-inbreeding-country), this article basically confirms my long-held belief that delaware is the worst fucking place to live in the USA!

let's see, what else- my man graduates on hte 5th of may and his parents are coming to visit for two weeks on sunday.

i got accepted to the first grad school i applied to- the university of aalborg in denmark for a master's in Culture, Communication, and Globalization. i'm still waiting on heidelberg (germany), turku (finland), and have to apply to vaasa (finland). heidelberg and vaasa are my favorites. one is a masters in american studies and one is a masters in intercultural communication and administration.

what else.... hmm.... me and j are doing good. i just hate to think of the pain i'll go through in taking him to the airport to see him go. hopefully i'll have my plans in motion for grad school. at least we'll be on the same continent by the fall or by winter semester at the latest (vaasa starts in january). and i'm planning on flying out early to spend some time with him before heading off to school.

ok, watching a "doing doing" show. gonna post some pics of me.

i know you missed me! i missed me too!!! but i'm back baby!

I HATE MY JOB!!!

i am the smartest person in delaware.

i am the smartest person in delaware.

i am the smartest person in delaware.


WHAT THE FLUCK!?!?!?!?

in brighter news, we took mom to B.Smith's in union station for her 50th birthday celebration. it was nice to get the hell out of delaware and civilization was niiice. i can't believe i thought that dc was dirty!!! see how going from first class to coach can help you appreciate what you really had??? thank you wilmington! thank you!!! i have learned that when i leave you i will, as chris tucker says in Friday: "neva EVA EVA EVA come back HERE"

on a personal note.... i love me. i'm so unpredictable and moody. i'm kind of disappointed in me, but proud of me at the same time... i think i'm becoming a sociopath...

also- i contacted my former teachers about sending out letters of reference to the colleges i want to go to for graduate studies.

so far i'm gonna apply to 1 in Germany, 1 in Denmark, 4 in Finland, and two programs at one college in Cali for good measure (just to see if I get in, or as a backup plan in case i don't get in ANYWHERE). only one school in finland starts in January 2007. otherwise, i'd be out this bi-atch by august.

back to work (joy to the flipping world);(

i swear when we were younger they never thought i was their sister. but i swear... we're growing up to look a like.

;) pleased

i got the new razr! i've been taking pictures pictures pictures. also i've lost a lot of weight and it's reflecting positively on my attitude. i feel good about me.


the trademark picture of meghan's eye picture *lol*:



still hate my job though.

grr.....


there are rumors going around that milton (my previous boss) is trying to get me back still. he's actually telling my coworkers that *lol*

but, as for now....

back to "claims assistant" duties.

f*()*ck

conflict conflicted



i love pretty love songs and windy days and smells that take me back to another time. i like honeyed colors and turquois memories. i like soft things and sweet food and warm waters. God, i remember sitting at the sea's edge with my knees slightly bend watching the water lap at my thighs. i can still feel the warm breeze drying the sweat on my hairline, taste salt on my lips. and then there was nothing better than to sigh and watch where the sky kissed the sea for a glimps of tomorrow.


i wanna go back...


back.

Q: WHOS THE 4TH PERSON ON YOUR RECEIVED CALL LIST?
A: Stacie @ work.

Q: WHATS YOUR MAIN RINGTONE ON YOUR PHONE?
A: “Do Mi So” and no it’s not some dancehall track- it’s a t-mobile tone that sounds like the first three notes in a musical scale.

Q: WHAT WERE YOU D0ING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT?
A: pretending to be awake (*hahaha*)

Q: WHAT DID THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE ON YOUR CELL PHONE SAY
A: “of course… bosses schmosses…”

Q: WHOSE BED DID YOU SLEEP IN LAST NIGHT?
A: jan’s

Q: WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
A: black

Q: MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED?
A : The Interpreter

Q: NAME 3 THINGS THAT YOU HAVE ON YOU AT ALL TIMES?
A: my cigarettes, my cell phone, and my weave (*hahahahaha*)

Q: WHAT'S THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEETS?
A: beige with little palm trees all over them

Q: HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU RIGHT NOW?
A: about $100.00

Q: What is your favorite part of the chicken?
A: the nugget SIIIIKE I don’t fuck with chicken. it’s dirty.

Q: What's your favorite town/city?
A: montego bay, JA

Q: I can't wait ...?
A: to move to Europe and go to gradschool

Q: When was the last time you saw your mom?
A: two days ago

Q: When was the last time you saw your dad?
A: 5 months ago when he INSISTED that he take me to the mva

Q: When was the last time you talked to them?
A: mom- two days ago. dad- 5 months ago.

Q: Who got you to join livejournal?
A: nobody. I read about it on crimelibrary.com.

Q: What did you have for dinner LAST NIGHT?
A: plaintains, a beef patty, and rice and peas with curry chicken gravy (that’s one of the advantages of waitressing at a Jamaican restaurant).

Q: How long have you been at your current job?
A: at this company since September. At this position since last week.

Q: Look to your left. What's there?
A: a jackass

Q: Who's your favorite villain?
A: George Bush. Love to hate him.

Q: Whats the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone?
A: jan’s socks! (I’m in a constant state of borrowing his socks aka I’ve stolen several pairs and he’ll never get them back!)

Q: What website(s) do you visit the most during the day?
A: bbc.com, Comcast.net, livejournal.com, yahoo.com

Q: Do you have plants in your room?
A: no

Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now?
A: yes my back and my wrist from the anti-ergonomic set up of my new “triang-ical”

Q: What city was your last taxicab ride in?
A: daaammmmnnn long time ago. Must have been silver spring, md. No, actually it was in Finland!

Q: Do you own a picture phone?
A: yes!!! Jan just ordered me the razor!!!

Q: What's your favorite Starbucks drink?
A: Venti White Chocloate Mocha till I die!!!!!

Q: Recent time you were really upset?
A: Sunday (emotional breakdown in the car as we bypassed Baltimore)

Q: What was the last strong urge you had?
A: to get up and scream “you’re all jackasses! All of you! Stupid, idiotic, inbred, hick, jackasses!!!” then run away, never to return again.

i have 2 bosses at my second job. i'd say i have 3. but it's more like 2. len and harris are best friends who are in business together but richard is len's brother and he's like 6'5 280lbs so he's definitely a boss too*lol* i don't know the specifics, but that's how i see it. anyway, i work at the newark location that len manages. but i work two blocks from the wilmington location that harris manages. so i see len a lot more than harris. i've never even been in the wilmington D&H. but harris comes at the end of the night to count money a lot of times. he was there last night for a few hours. he's nice-ish...but he kind of scares me. not in the sense that i fear him, but i definitely get a different vibe from him than i do from len. len is generally jovial, dancing around, smiling, joking light-heartedly etc... i mean, he will lay down the law etc, but he's generally a smiling laid-back person who's easy to talk to. harris also has a sense of humor, but his is a bit darker i'd say. he has that tricky twinkle in his eye. last night he came to me with something behind his back and said "would you like a jamaican apple?" i said "yesss....." looking at him like oookaaay... and he held out a scotch bonnet! i was like "hey!" i know the difference between an apple and a pepper that would burn a hole in my throat before i could swallow it. he said that he once made the same offer to a little boy in his neighobrhood and the little boy actually ate it and took off running. how mean! but harris was just cracking up. i guess it is funny... scary funny...

then he found out that my father was/is a pastor. and i was disturbed by his cynical view of the church. actually both he and richard viewed the church as a business. they believe the tithes go directly into the pastor's pockets. richard said if he were a pastor, he'd collect the tithes and then he'd go outside of the church and throw the dollars up in the air and whatever stayed up there belonged to the Lord, whereas whatever came back down belonged to him. harris said he's been all different denominations depending on where he wanted to school his children because unsurprisingly, each denomination demands the parents to convert and join their church before allowing their children to enroll. this way they increase in numbers and in dollars. i told him i don't believe in all that denomination stuff anyway. there were no denominations in the beginning and essentially we're all worshipping the same thing. harris said, "yeah! buddha!" it really hurt me because their general view of the church was that it was corrupt and that pastors are not to be trusted etc...

and what can i say? a few years ago i would have argued with them and used my dad as an example. but now, all i can say is "don't judge God by the deeds of men." i felt at a loss. i felt like i let God down because i couldn't even say anything. i mean, it's true a lot of what they were saying about the corruption that can go on in the church. i know first hand. i just felt close to tears. but it's like- how can you express FAITH. its a deep and innermost thing... what can i say- "your right. but i still believe that there's truth in there somewhere"? i just know in my heart. i just know. i feel it. i know it. it just is. but i really hate people like my father who are responsible for leading people astray and taking people's faith away. if you can't believe in God, what can you believe in? yourself? it's too heavy a burden to bear to take this world on your shoulders. that's why people hit the bottle. or a pack of cigarettes if you're me....

*sigh* anyway, i like harris. he's crafty. that's a good word for him. *crafty* i like to see len and harris together. they are like brothers. and of course richard and len are brothers. i was watching them working in the kitchen yesterday, dishing up jerk pork and oxtail. it's good when family can work together and be friends. they had 16 kids in their family!!! i wish things could go back back back back back... i remember when me and trevor and holly were real close. we could just crack each other up, sit on the kitchen floor all night and talk and laugh. this divorce really put up walls i never could have foreseen. i remember when the screen went up around trevor. i saw it. it was that november day when mom called us all together to beg dad not to leave. dad was just saying no, it's too late, he gives up. and trevor was just crying. no noise, just tears and tears and tears. he barely spoke. and i watched that screen spring up all around him. and ever since, i don't think i've even touched him.....